Do you ever look back and wonder when and where you picked up the lies you’ve believed about yourself? Maybe a given fear, a false belief about people ,family; ever wondered where you picked it up? I know I have. And it led me to my childhood days.
Somebody said this and that about me and I believed it. It stuck to my mind. They treated me that way because…
Some of the things we told ourselves and experiences from our childhood dent us so bad subconsciously, that they affect our adulthood. We never talk about it or face it because it’s ‘silly stuff’.Even as children, we kept it to ourselves. We never thought it would affect the rest of our lives, unless we dealt with it.
I hope Audrey’s story inspires you to take a trip down memory lane and get to the inner broken child and speak Truth to the lies said about you or you told yourself.
“In my earlier years (kindergarten), I was kind of a bully. Well, let’s just say I got into some few fights and I won. I had already gotten used to the idea of people fearing me and rushing to be my friend. ALPHA FEMALE MUCH!
Then as I started primary school, I was transferred to another school and I went in with the same mentality of being an alpha and boy was I wrong.! It was really hard to make friends at first and it made me angry, so at the tender age of six I had developed a very sharp tongue and that did not help me much. I started being bullied by the other pupils. I got called so many names and no one wanted to be my friend: well not openly.
I dreaded school because every day there was a new rumor about me; I said something, I did nothing or I sneered at someone in a senior class. This went on for about three years, and I told no one, I justified every mean word or every time someone wore a jacket next to me because I had ‘germs’. I told myself if only I was kinder, prettier, if only I would be this or that they would like me.
I ended up being transferred because I wasn’t being picked up by the bus on time ,sometimes not at all. In my new school, I thought I had it all figured out, I tried being nice but my niceness was mistaken for weakness. In the school bus, I was beaten by these two girls because I was supposedly ‘rude’ to them and refused to give them my snacks and they made sure I had learned my lesson of not sharing.
I ended up making them my moral compass and every time they slapped me or beat me I learnt that that’s not what I was supposed to do. I lived a sad life because I was trying so hard to be accepted by these girls that I would steal money from my mum’s purse and buy some extra snacks to give them so that they would like me, I ended up taking a lot of my favorite things to them so that they would like me. Oooh, how wrong was I; they didn’t like me anymore than they had the first day, to them I was just another one of their little puppets they could make do what they wanted. I wanted to change everything about myself because I wanted to be liked by just two girls and everyone else who said I was too fat, my eyes were too brown, my hands and nails looked funny. I wanted to make everyone happy apart from myself, I wanted to be something I couldn’t possibly be. So as I’m writing this you may imagine I got my self esteem together, but to be honest, it has been a journey and I’ll share a few tips that I have gathered over time;
- I have learnt that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I admit that I may not be the perfect petite size two that everyone expects, but I have learnt to love my body and all its flaws. My brown ‘dirty’ eyes, my hand that’s not quite straight, my hair that’s quite kinky. I love all of it!!
- I guard my heart and don’t compare myself to anyone. I have learnt I am the only version of myself and God created me to be this way and He sure didn’t make any mistake.
Those are my few tips that helped me get over my insecurities and become a beautiful flower.
For these and more posts please check out my blog..
Lots of Love
Audrey is a Christian blogger at https://kariithiaudrey.wordpress.com
Check out her blog- She’s great, trust me.
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