When one mentions the word ‘home’ what comes to mind revolves around comfort, love and freedom. You might imagine being tucked in warm covers, holding some hot chocolate tightly in your hands watching your favorite shows or walking around with old baggy pants and messy hair.

Home is the refuge for introverts around rowdy people. They just wanna run and be in their own thoughts. I bet that’s how you also feel around people who don’t understand you, introvert or not.

Home is where the heart rests and thoughts can be expressed.

Maybe you’ve found or are waiting for a love that feels home. The kinda love that you don’t have to try too hard. Where your way of expressing it is received perfectly and everything comes together as a base for growth of something greater. A love in which fear is unwelcome.

Sometimes home is finding yourself. When you stop chasing what others expect of you and just be. Where breaths are slower ,laughs louder and smiles brighter. When you’re no longer afraid of the world and realized there’s a place for you too, amid the noise and chaos. You found home– within. And when you extend it to someone else, it’s better, brighter, happier and merrier.

This isn’t what I wanted to post a few months ago. It was supposed to be a before and after photo with the title “DON’T QUIT EASY “.I wanted to tell the story of a big girl who lost weight (alot!) then gained it back but lost it again and she lived happily ever after. Haha! It sounds so easy in the mind till you get to the dirty work of insane workouts and eating bland food.

For most people ,when they see a ‘big ‘ person, they think they should just eat right and workout. Simple! That’s partly true. Basically that’s it . But what they don’t know is the psychological process one has to go through. When people shame you so much just because of your weight, jabs thrown at you in form of ‘jokes’ till it gets to your head and you start to think there’s actually something wrong with you. And when you actually decide to work towards losing the weight, you feel like you’re working towards being ‘right’ or being enough.

For me, even after losing so much weight, I still didn’t feel enough. Lemme be straight with you. I lost weight and my ass was GONE! The same people who commented about my weight were now asking about my hips. So I started to eat a little bit more so that I can atleast get my ass back so that I can make them happy. I can be approved. I’m gonna be that girl with a slim waist and fat ass… Hmmm. Incredible right? The eating ‘a little more’ then went ‘overboard’ and here we’re, 2018.

Striking a balance is really tough. Trying to eat so that you’re not too thin and still being careful not to be too fat. It becomes frustrating when you’re doing everything right yet the body isn’t what you want it to be. Till a few weeks back I sat down and asked myself “When is this ever going to stop? For how long will I be working towards something I can’t seem to get to. I know I can be really slim but that means depriving myself and being at the verge of an eating disorder. For how long will I do it so that people can approve of me? Cause to me honest, I like where I’m at and I’m tired of not feeling enough. ”

And then it dawned on me that maybe it’s time I came home, to me. Not just my personality, but physically, to my body. Now that I know what’s good for it and what’s not, I can be home, accept it as it is and treat it right. Maybe not everyone’s ideal, but my ideal body. The way God created me.

Coming to this realization, I could finally breathe and just allow my mind to be free. Free from all the goals and expectations. Free from the obsession about crazy boring workouts and do the kind that I love: dancing, yoga, kickboxing (someday). And I promised myself that the next time I go to the gym I’ll do it for fun. Don’t get it twisted ;I love to work out and break some sweat. I just hate it when working towards a goal that seems so unreachable. It’s been two years trying to ‘get there’. Now I can finally rest, not because I got ‘there’ but because I have come to accept my body type and decided to love it and treat it right.

Isn’t that how home feels like? No more running. No more wishing. No more looking out the window at what others have while my home is a mess. I gotta take care of mine first. Then extend it to others.

What does home look like for you? We all know homes are different. Can you breathe? Are you surrounded with what you love? Do you have a kinda space where you can just BE? Are you free? Other people may not give you that space, but you can create one for yourself.

Home is a foundation for growth.

Last words :

If I welcome you to my home, respect it. We may not have the same taste. I decorate mine as I like and do yours how you like it. The warmth and scent of my home keeps me happy and at peace. So if you want to destroy take away any of that ,you’re not welcome here.

Stay blessed ❤.